I've been numb for so long
I couldnt let it go on
To mislead your heart
Would've just been wrong
It wasnt you or something you'd done
Know that I did love you and I did have fun
I just need some time for myself
To reasses my decisions and mental health
I might be crazy letting you go
What the future might hold theres no way to know
Its at the point where I'm unsure of what to do
I hate this idea of leaving you...

City Boy

My heart skips a beat everytime I get off that train
Different colors different people images run through my brain
I can fall asleep on a train and wake up where i wanna be.
Truth is I wanna go where ever it is that I can see
I take pics of my journeys so I can document my spots
Some are a lil blurry; me trying to avoid getting caught
But thats city life, a little danger a little daring.
I walk around at 3 in the morning not even caring
Cause everybody caught in the ecstasy of night
The joy in being out until the daylight
The girls? words cant begin to explain
You could grab a hundred off the street and none of them would be the same
I sleep to the lullaby of sportscenter and police sirens
If i told you I didnt love it id def be lyin
My music taste is embraced
in a category i cant be placed
I'm an individual
Artisian heritage is apparently residual
For i write i rhyme I sing I play
For the freedom of never having to say "I want it that Way"(lol)
I am who I am
a creative artistic man
Bear with me
The credit goes to one being
The heart of my city.

Falling

My romantic nights are now a joke
that only i get
It was my own heart that I broke
on numerous occasions
I had my many engagements
But somehow all were sabotaged
in a blackhearted montage
of reckless arguments and misunderstandings
this monster in my soul is all too demanding
when i slip into my dark desires
when my strength to fight simply expires
The person i become I loathe with all my being
Sometimes I question is I really am jst what I'm seeing
A man who cant understand why he does the things he does
A man who cant admit
cant submit to love
Maybe to change I just need the right girl
or maybe its me
I have to really want to be
different
changed
Over the years I've experienced so much pain
Pain i've given others
pain i've given you
I need to start anew
to start fresh
It feels like I fall deeper with each breathe
throw me a lifeline
the time is prime
to start the climb
to the top
to the peak
I thinks its up there that we'll meet
you can be the bane
to this monster that causes pain
My key.

Ode to you

I've been trying to hide the hate
for my irate
self-loathing that I seem to demonstrate
When I finally show it it was too late.
You tried to give me your hand
your heart
your mind
The feelings I had were undefined
I shoulda said yes
I shoulda let you in
but no i was stubborn i stuck out my chin
I said no to love
said no to you
I was stuck on something that just wasnt true
yet i keep writing and it seems youre my muse
how ironic.

excuse me

excuse me miss
can i have moment of your time
it wont wont be too long
i just want to perform this little rhyme
well i've been watching you
as you walked by eveyday
its been damn near a month
and i still cant find the courage to say
when i look into your eyes
i get lost in complexity
the walk you is profession
yet so sexy
when i hear your voice
girl i just get so amazed
lets get away now girl ill talk you to another place

dont think that i am focused on just one thing alone
i wanna treat right now put your number in my phone
ill call you tonight and we'll talk girl i just wanna hear your voice
if you wanna take it further the girl thats your choice

hello i just wanna be your friend
or maybe more it depends on what you wanna do
i just wanna know your stry and the things that you've through
we'll talk a few times and maybe ill sing you a song or two
not gonna lie maybe i do kinda wanna impress ya
but the rest is up to you baby girl no pressure =p

Time to move on

I guess my feelings for you
Gave me a reason to try
Did everything I could do
I never asked myself why
Why did I make you my world?
Why didnt I make you my girl?

Time shows all mistakes that we've made
I think of you every night and I pray
I pray that this is something we can save
But I know my feelings are gone
My heart is telling me I need to move on

Move on
From a love that was so pure
Move on
I want to so bad but I am unsure
If I can leave
Girl I'll be missing you
BUt I think its something I need to do

You were my best friend
I loved you more than you'll ever know
Its a shame that this couldnt work out
Its a shame that I have to go
I'll always hold on to this thing we shared
But you'll never know just how much I cared

Time shows all mistakes that we've made
I think of you every night and I pray
I pray that this is something we can save
But I know my feelings are gone
My heart is telling me I need to move on

Move on
From a love that was so pure
Move on
I want to so bad but I am unsure
If I can leave
Girl I'll be missing you
But I think its something I need to do

You meant so much to me
But deep inside I knew it wouldnt last
Theres just one thing I need to ask
Let me go
let me go from these feelings
they hurt more and more everyday
This is the only way
I need to go.
I love you so.
But I need to go.

Life

Life recently has been ridiculous. Its just frustrating in every aspect. I had about 5 months of easy living, everyone in my life knew their place (in a none degrading way) but recently everything has gone to hell......wtf. Every female in my life has decided that I upset them in one way or another.....lucky me. Idk if its a change in me or a change in my relationships with other people. All I know is that it needs to get better soon because it cant get much worse...

Hampton

I got into hampton.

-_-

I've tried and tried
many times
to leave you alone
and each time I lied
thinking it would get better
oddly enough I'm glad I kept trying
kept lying..
Because if I didnt i'd probably regret it
now i know your like a poison
that no matter what
will always course through my veins
corrupting my brain
Yeah im tight,
I could be a dude who calls himself a plumber
cause all he knows how to do is lay pipe...
But im better than that
Don't get me wrong i don't regret our friendship
I just think that its time to go our separate ways
yes, it hurts me to watch you indulge
in that which causes you pain
But girl you're making me insane
No im not trying to unsay the things I have said
My memory of you will weigh down my heart like lead
I'd rather tie knots in my tongue
than unsing the songs that I've song
because of you..
The hell with my pride
if I could find the strength to I'd cry
Over the shriveled up hopes and dreams you left me with
It was time for me to quit
I'm confused about my feelings inside
which have now been personified by
-_-

Confession

I just dont get it
we used to be close
we used to be so happy
you and me both.
where did go we wrong
i just dont understand
everything changed
you went and gotta man
damn.

6irl, I've been so stubborn
I've had too much pride
you saw that it bothered
so you asked my why
i told you i didnt know
damn girl i lied

i lied to you
shxt i lied to myself
this is one hell of a hand
that we've been dealt
i guess i'll just try to sound
happy for you
ill fade into the background
its something i need to do.

i miss the way we used to
talk every night
i hate the fact that you're gone now
gone from my sight
sometimes its seems like
it might be okay
sometimes i wanna be
open and that that i.... =X

Grow Up

You don't know what you want
Yet you get mad when you don't get it.
You don't know what to do
But you get mad when you don't do something.
I'm tired.
I've been there
Always for you
But you take me for granted
So I guess its time for me to step back
I'm tired of being reliable
I'm tired of being the Fxckin phone friend
I'm just tired.
Time to mix it up
Good Luck. =)

Subliminal Message

Damn, I know you're talking
I should be listening
but I can't.
My mind wanders from your eyes to your lips to your hands.
I dont understand.
I'm so quick to deny
when other imply
but my mind still wanders
When my arms are around you
you tell me you feel safe
truth is,
so do I.
You're how I survive.
You keep me anchored
So I never lose hope
You're the reason I can cope
With my perpetual boredom
I wake up because of you
One of the many things that I do
Because of you
I write, I sing, I feel
whenever I think about you
It's funny, this is a whole new feeling
I dont like it.
Yet I do
I dont know I this feelings true
I know you are
But theres a problem
I cant tell you how I feel
I have this fear
This fear that its not real
that I'm bugging.
So I keep it to myself and my boy
If it ain't broke...dont fix it
I'm here for you
You're there for me
It doesnt really bug me
Thinking what could be
Because I know what I have
and I love it
I love you
Lets not get confused (haha)
not in love
its just love.
Mutual love.
You talk I listen
Most of the time
the rest?
I imagine us in rhyme
but then I snap back
Back to reality
I'm held down by the gravity
of my feelings for you.

Ugh

Its been a while, I dont know why. It's not as if I dont have anything to write about........I just think writing about it is kind of a way of admitting it. I'm not good at sharing feelings. So essentially life is 1. Boring 2. Annoying 3.Redundant 4. Utterly pointless.
I think my expectations might be too high, because I've come to the conclusion that alot of people disappoint me. Especially the females in my life....LOL. I think it's that I judge every girl on standards that might be too high. I think life might be alot easier and I might actually end up with a relationship that lasts more than 2 months if I stop expecting certain things of them. I mean currently I am just surviving off of just girls, no relationships. I think its mainly because I havent found a girl that holds my interest. No. That's a lie, I have two. But both frustrate me to disbelief....I think that is the root of my attraction. I know it sounds weird but it's almost as if I need to have a girl that challenges me and always keeps me on my toes. I need that constant reminder that I am not god. I love girls who can roughhouse with me. It's fun. But most of all I know that no matter how much time I spend with her, It will never be boring, I will never lose interest.
I also have a problem along with half the world of men with admitting I like someone. I'm stubborn I won't tell them......I imply =) In retrospect it is not the most intelligent of strategies. It's about an 85% successs rate. It's usually bound to fail if the girl who has captured my attention is stubborn like I am. I'm bad at blatently admitting romantic interest. Eh I know my flaws. It's just hard to correct them.

Sacrifice.

Admitting Defeat....

I admit I've lost
I've lost out on you
I'm at my wits end
With nothing to do
Should I confess
Or just stay down
I decided my place
Fading into the background
This thing we have
I'm trying to stop it
Now all i can do is sit
and wait.

Self-Expression

I write what I feel
I feel what I write
If i wrote all of what I though
I'd be sitting here all night
This rhyme scheme is lame
It's not true to my name
But i just don't know what to say
Is been a long day
irritated me in such a way
that i cant flow
i cant vibe
I guess I'm just confused inside.

So Much For Not Caring.

Smh, I'm def full of it.

I pretend I don't care
I pretend you mean nothing
I want to cut you off so bad
But we both know I'm bluffing
Turt says come clean
If I hold it inside I will rot
He wants me to tell her
But we both know I'm not
I don't wanna screw things up
between me and you
even though I'm at this crossroad
where I can't decide what to do
but screw it
I'll keep it all bottled up inside
Cause the only thing worse
than my feelings for you
Is definitely my pride.
SMH.

I Dared to Care

I dared to care and look where it got me
Experiencing numerous feelings that have been dying to get free
I'm hot, I'm cold, I'm up, I'm down
But thats nothing compared to when you're around
i front and I flaunt that you meant nothing.
But my downfall is that i got way too trusting
I started to care and that's def not my swag
I got confused, i thought i wanted to bag
I was buggin.

Melodramatic

You make me laugh
I make you cry
You say I'm cruel
You ask me why
Why I'm acting so weird
Truth is I dont know
Can't hide from my feelings
Cause theres nowhere to go
I dont know why I waited so long
I don't know why these feelings grew strong
All i know is now those feelings are gone
Soon you will be too, it won't be long
Til I move on......I've moved on lol.

My Best Friend

Footballs don't judge
Footballs don''t question
Footballs dont remind you that in every problem there's a lesson.
Footballs....they listen.
Footballs. They pay attention
When footballs respond there's nothing, that they forget to mention
They're tough when you need em
They're always around
I know in the end....my football will hold me down
Lmfao (random poem....popped in my head watching the mock draft.)

Numb

I should care...but I dont
It worries me that I lost all feeling.
That I don't care what you do.
I talk to my friends and they say im confused but im not.
I've really never thought this clearly.
Devoid of all emotion.
I guess that's good right?
So I can't get hurt
So I can't be violated
what worries me is not that you could be so blind
It's that I frankly....don't care.

Drop

Okay so I gotten a lot of shit about why people call me drop. Just to clarify It is a nickname given to me by a close friend, its an inside joke and it has nothing to do with something I've done, the way i act, or a situation I've been in. I also go by Jay....most people call me Jared or Jay. Yal can choose for yourselves.....btw I say yal a lot.

Turt Hit Me

K well today my boy Turt hit me....you may wonder why...I am a confused person when i deal with girls. It is extremely easy for me to get in my own way when it comes to girls. I can be interested in more than one girl at a time (btw I'm interested up until the point that I legitimately want a relationship....then it's "like") because of my habit of multitasking I can never fully focus on one. Due to my inablilty to focus I usually end up with complicated situations which suck and I do not have the patience for....causing me to lose interest and move on. I have a veryyyy short attention span so if a girl makes me lose interest it's fairly easy for me to move on. One thing I do not get is emotionally invested in people which makes it easy to cut people off if I need to. But I digress, I got wayyyyyyy off the topic. So anywho, Turt hit me because I won't choose between to girls that I am interested in. In my defense it would be hard for any guy to pass them up, both are good looking and both have different things to offer. So why choose?

One of Those Days.

It's just one of those days
When I'm glad that I have your love
It's just one of those days
When I feel you've been sent from above
It's just one of those day
When I'm feeling blue
It's just one of those days
When I thank god that I have you

Secret Love

No one can know the things we do.
No one can know the things we share.
No one can know how much I care.
No one can understand how it feels to be inside you.
No one can understand what we've been through.
You're always on my mind.
Tickling my senses.
You always know exactly what I'm thinking.
You always know when I've been drinking. (=])
You hold my attention with just one look.
You're the love of life.
You're my Rhyme Book

I Notice.

I notice the way you say hi to me.
I notice the way I make you smile.
I notice how you pull your hair back behind your ears.
I notice how you love it when I hold you.
I notice how loud you scream when I tickle you.
I notice how you like it when I bite.
I notice how you smile at me when you think I'm not looking.
I notice how you love it when I look at you.
I notice how you always hold on to my arm.
I notice how you care about my problems.
I notice how you listen when I need to someone to talk to.
I notice how you sing all the time. I love it.
I notice how you love hearing that I love you.
I notice how much I really care.
And it scares me.

First Blog Ever

My name is Jared A.K.A Jay A.K.A Drop. (<-----) I usually don't do that but i figured this being my first blog i might as well. Where do I start? I'm 17 and bored of life. Senior Year is def overrated and there are very few people in my life who i actually love. My fam is mostly female, so girls have never been THAT much of a mystery to me, although because of the women in my family i have high standards for females....It's a developing problem. I go through girls fairly quickly because most bore me. I like girls that can keep up with me as well as challenge me. If a girl doesn't argue...shes not for me. I sing. I love it, its relaxing and it relieves stress. I also write music and poems. Another thing about me, it is reallyyyyyyy hard for me to get angry...I just don't see the need. The only thing that truly upsets me is ignorance. There is no justification for ignorance, ignorance is a choice that is made.
One truly Important thing about me is that I have random streams of consciousness, it is extremely hard to keep up with my complicated thought process. I hate the pointlessness of assigning people a category due to the way they dress or where they come from. I admittedly assign people categories according to their personality traits, its a habit of mine. I classify how people act by observing and after I know what kind of person they are it dictates how I act towards them. I also like taking pictures, alot of which I intend to post on here. "Fact: The fact that you have a vagina makes you insane." <--- I said this, and I stand by my statement. All women are insane.....not because they are in fact certifiable, but because of the fact that they can think of a million different things at one time and a million different scenarios at the same time. That would make anyone insane.
I have a few close friend that I enjoy spending time with, yes they all have some serious flaws but I love them because they actually understand me...which is much more complicated that ^ reading what I write here. They all are intelligent no matter what others may think and all of them are unique and creative (defff a queer moment lmao). They should all also know that I will never speak about them in this way ever again. Thats another thing, I can be extremely mean lmao not alot of people can tolerate my jokes.....i'm know for sometimes crossing the line. I like to test my limits, it gives me an idea on where i stand with different people.
I am extremely upset that I just wrote about 2 more paragraphs than I set out wanting to write. It is 2 days after Valentines day, I spent my Valentines day being a wingman for my friend with the girl he was interested in and her friend. I sacrificed my day for him outta love (no homo). I didn't need to go hard on valentines day because the girls i'm interested in I can always spend time with. Valentines day is just a day for guy to go hard, im not concieted but I dont feel like I need to go hard for just one day. The girls I spend time with know how I am and know I dont need a day to make them feel special.